Put down the keyboard and take a trolliday

I have quickly grown to love them. Blue, semi-transparent, aesthetically pleasing and tender to the touch, the new £5 notes are a hit in my wallet leaving me handling the grubby old notes with equal lashings of shame and disgust.

Silly season commences in earnest with the introduction of new currency. Urban myths of misprinted serial numbers bump supposed values up to £5000. The desperate jump on a news article by the Huffington Post to legitimise their belief that the ‘AK47’ serial number they beseeched from Superdrug that morning is worth some ‘serious wedge’.

As an evening Facebooker, I find myself trawling through the updates on my page in search of a gem amongst the phlegm. Recently there have been a gamut of postings from imbeciles desperate to flog their fivers for many times face value. With a penchant for a wind up, I thought I would test the gullibility of social media users with a self-penned experiment.

On ‘Items for sale’ I posted a picture of a new Lady Godiva I had in my pocket. I wrote ‘For Sale: A £5 note. One of a limited run of 22,000,000. Only £5. No offers’. It was posted as a tongue in cheek piece of online irony. Many got the joke, but many more didn’t.

A couple got into a row on the page with one alleging they had called the Police citing ‘bullying’. Another couldn’t get his head around how I could claim it was limited edition with a print run of 22 million? There were veiled, and blatant, threats, and reports were made to admin. People were blocked for trying to discuss the joke sensibly and eventually, after over 100 comments and the same ‘likes’ the post was withdrawn into the cybersphere never to be seen again,

The vitriol was somewhat surprising and I guess I was the victim of trolling (no pity required, I found it amusing and fascinating in equal measure). I received private messages from members of the group and public ones from keyboard warriors incandescent with rage as they openly vented their online spleen. To me it was a mass online cry for help and desperate attention seeking tactic. I sat back and watched, non-committedly, as people were, in effect, cyber bullied.

Finally, to my relief, the post was taken down by the anonymous ‘admin’. No doubt ‘admin’ is in reality an animal loving spinster called ‘Cheryl, who, in true cyber style, stands alone as a one-woman online kangaroo court. Cheryl is a self-anointed arbiter of good taste, resplendent in a Cats protection league tie tied hoodie and Pooh Bear oversized slipper combo. Despite dressing cool, she acts rather cruel and doesn’t hesitate to banish others to virtual infinity for forever and a day.

I’m glad the post has gone but am now a little dubious about advertising a job lot of Mr Tumble bikes that I bought in a fit of entrepreneurship some months ago. I will advertise them as ‘something special’ but no doubt will expect a trolling as they aren’t geared or carbon framed. I’m happy to take a fiver for them, but only if they are AK47’s.